Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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