You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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