Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
