Where is the hickey?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
