the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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