Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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