i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
