i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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