I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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