u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
