I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
