Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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