birth control should be required to get into college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
