if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
