Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
God I need to hump something, right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
