my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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