we're blogging at a bar
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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