you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
