STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
