hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
