none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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