People with herpes should wear stickers.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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