Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
