Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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