you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
