I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
