I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
