apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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