so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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