And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
