So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
