So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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