Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
