It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How does one acquire holy water?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
