I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
