the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
