I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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