wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
