I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
