How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize