My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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