I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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