You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
