I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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