There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
