i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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