So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
