your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize