Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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