waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
