Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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