first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize