i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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