My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
