dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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