I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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