nut hugger
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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