There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
