I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
soo... how was my night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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