You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
