I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
