Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
