It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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