I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
