how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
