did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i dont even know how to be here
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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