i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
