Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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