I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
