Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
